Confessions of a Thug Read online

  CHAPTER XXX.

  And where now were all my resolutions? By Alla, Sahib, I had forgottenall--home, wife, children--I thought not of them, but I drank deeplyof love, wild, passionate, burning love, from her eyes, and I caressedher as though she were mine own. There we sat, and though guilt wasin my soul, and it accused me of infidelity to my oft repeated vows,I could not tear myself away from her, and I suffered her caressesin return, though they often struck to my heart like the blows of asharp knife. Hours passed thus--I thought not of them; she seated atmy feet, and I with my hands entwined in her long silken hair, andgazing at her face of such loveliness, that never had my wildest dreamspictured anything like it. Zora was beautiful, Azima was even more so,but Shurfun surpassed them both in as great a degree as they excelledany of their sex I had ever seen. Fain would she have had me stay withher: fain would she, the temptress, have then and there separated mefrom my band, and led me with herself, whither she cared not, so I waswith her and she with me. Wealth, she said, she had in abundance, andwe could fly to some undiscoverable spot, where we should pass years ofbliss together, and where she would, by communication with her family,procure such money from time to time as would enable us to live inaffluence.

  "Ameer Ali," said she, "you are young, you are unknown, you have tofight your way to fame upon a bare pittance, and for this will you riskyour precious life, when I offer you everything I possess, and swearthat I am your slave? Ah, you will not, you cannot now leave me toperish in despair, and die of unrequited love! Speak, my soul, you willnot leave me?"

  Wretch and perjured that I was, I swore to obey her wishes. Sahib, itwas a sore temptation, and it overcame me. At last I tore myself awayfrom her, but not till I had sworn by her head and eyes to return thefollowing day, when, being more calm, we might arrange our plans forthe future.

  I returned to my little tent, and there, in the agony of my soul, Irolled on the ground. I raved, I refused to eat, and was as one bereftof sense; I spoke rudely to Peer Khan, who having been called by myattendant came to comfort me; and I was almost on the point of drivingmy dagger to my heart, to end a life, which, though a splendid prospectwas open to it, could never afterwards be aught but one of guiltymisery. But the passion reached its height; and as a thunder-cloud,which after a burst of internal commotion, after its deep peal has goneforth and it has ejected the lightning from its bosom, gradually poursits pent-up flood of waters to soothe and refresh the earth, so didmine eyes now rain tears, and they calmed me. I can now ask and takeadvice, thought I, and Peer Khan, who is fondly attached to me, willgive it as he would to a brother.

  I sent for him, and after apologizing for my rudeness, said he wouldfind the cause of it in the relation I would give of the last fewhours. I told him all, and awaited his answer. My heart was relieved ofa load of oppressive thought, and I was the better for it. He ponderedlong ere he spoke; at last he said,--

  "Meer Sahib, this is a difficult business indeed, and I hardly knowwhat to advise; go to her to-morrow; be a man, and give not way tothis boyish passion, which ill suits you; try to persuade her that youcannot do as she wishes; speak to her, kindly yet firmly, of her home,of her relatives, and of the guilt which must cleave to you both fromthe connection she proposes. Tell her you have a wife and two children,and, if she is a true woman she will be fired with jealousy and willquarrel with you; do you then become irritated in your turn, and leaveher to go her own way, and find some one who may not be so scrupulous,and may take advantage of her blind passions. And if all this fail, ifno words of yours can drive these foolish ideas from her brain, we haveonly to make a long march in some unknown direction and at once be quitof her. I know the paths through the jungles, and by them, difficult asthey are, we can easily reach Berar, where she will never again hear ofus."

  I thanked him cordially for his advice; and that part of it whichrelated to Azima and my children struck forcibly on my heart. I was asyet, thanks to the protection of the Prophet, pure, and by his aid Iwould remain so. I determined I would urge my previous ties to her soforcibly, and I would depict my love for my wife in such colours, thatshe should at once reject me.

  Full of these resolutions I once more obeyed her summons, sent me byher slave, and followed the girl, and as we had made a long march oftwelve coss, it was now late in the day. I need not again tell you,Sahib, of all her love for me, which she now poured forth withoutcheck or reserve. She had fairly cast away all shame, and would hearof nothing I could represent as to the consequence of our connectionwith her family. I had only now one resource, and as a man in alarm forhis life fires the train of a mine, so did I, hurriedly and perhapsincoherently, mention my wife and children. The effect was as Peer Khanhad expected, instantaneous. She had been sitting at my feet, listeningto my objections, and playfully reasoning with me against them; but,at these words, she suddenly started to her feet, and drew her noblefigure up to its full height, while her eyes flashed as she smoothedback her flowing hair from her brow; the veins of her forehead and neckswelled, and she was terrible to look on. I confess I quailed beneaththe glances of scorn she cast on me.

  "Man!" she cried at length, "ah, vile and faithless wretch, say, did Ihear thee aright? Dare to say again that thou hast a wife and children!What dirt hast thou eaten?"

  It was my time, and my good resolutions came to my aid; I rose, andconfronted her with a look as proud and unflinching as her own.

  "Yes, Shurfun," I said, "I have spoken the truth; one as beautifulas thou art believes me faithful, and faithful I will remain to her;long I reasoned with thee, and hadst thou not been carried away, andthy good feelings deadened, by an idle and sudden passion, thou hadstheard my words, and submitted to them, for the sake of thy family andhitherto untarnished honour. For my unfortunate share in this matter,may Alla forgive me! Lady, it was thy maddening beauty which caused meto err; but he has strengthened my heart, and again I implore thee tohear the words of friendship, and be thyself again."

  How can I tell you, Sahib, of her despair, and the bitterness of herexpressions, as she upbraided me with my deceit. I deserved them all,and not a word did I answer in return. I could not and I dared notapproach her, lest my heart should again yield to her blandishments,for I felt that a kind word or action would renew them, and cause herto forget the past; and it was pitiable to see her as she now sat onthe ground, moaning and rocking herself to and fro, while at intervalsshe tore her hair and beat her breasts in her agony of spirit.

  "Leave me!" she said at last. "Ah, Ameer Ali, thou hast broken a heartwhich could have loved thee for ever! I do not complain: it is the willof Alla that the only man I could ever have loved and honoured shoulddeceive me, and I submit. Shurfun is not yet reduced so low that shecould put up with the second place in any man's heart, were he themonarch of Delhi itself. Go, the sight of you is painful to my soul;and may Alla forgive us both!"

  I left her. I hastened to Peer Khan and related the whole to him, andhe was delighted. "Now," said he, "to make the matter sure, let usretrace our steps; it is not attended with any risk, for we can put upanywhere, and we need not visit the village we before halted at; wehave no hope of booty at Nagpoor, and if you like we can penetrate,as I said before, into Berar, and return by Khandesh, which was ouroriginal idea."

  "I agree," said I; "this woman must be avoided at every risk. To saveappearances she must go on to Nagpoor with her people, and we shall, byfollowing your advice, avoid her altogether."

  Accordingly the next morning, instead of pursuing the road we hadtaken, we turned back, and after a few hours' travel halted at a smallvillage a few coss distant from the one we had left. But little hadI calculated on that woman's love and wild passions. Before the daywas half spent we saw her palankeen, attended by her men, advancingtowards the village by the way we had come. What was to be done? I wasfor instant flight into the wild jungles by which we were surrounded,and where she would soon have lost all traces of us. But Peer Khanand Motee would not hear of it. "It would be cowardly," said they;"there is no occasi
on thus to run before a woman; and why should weexpose ourselves to dangers from wild beasts, and the unhealthinessof the forest, on her account? And," added Motee, "if she follow usnow, depend upon it it is not on your account, but because she is nowdetermined to go to her home as quickly as possible."

  "It may be so," said I; "whatever her plans may be they will notinfluence my determinations." Yet my mind misgave me that she wouldagain follow us, and a short time proved that my suspicions were right.The slave came by stealth to my tent, disguised as a seller of milk,and I followed her, for I knew not why her mistress had sent for me,and why she now sought me after our last meeting.

  I reached her presence, and again we were alone. I armed myself againsther blandishments, and determined to oppose them with scorn, that shemight again quarrel with me, and leave me for ever. I cannot relate toyou, Sahib, all that passed between us; at one time she was all love,seeking to throw herself into my arms, and beseeching me to have pityon her--for she felt that her reputation was gone--in words that wouldhave moved a heart of stone; at another, violently upbraiding me formy perfidy, and bidding me begone from her sight; yet, each time as Iturned to depart, she would prevent me, and again implore me to listenand agree to her proposals. At last I could bear with her no longer.I was provoked with her importunities, and vexed at my own irresoluteconduct. I bade her farewell, and was quitting the shed, where she hadput up for the day, when she screamed to me to come back. I returned.

  "Shurfun," said I, "this is foolishness, and the conduct of children;why should we thus torment each other? You have heard my determination;and could you offer me the throne of Delhi, I might share it with you,but my heart would be hers who now possesses it, and you would live atorment to yourself and me. Jealousy even now possesses your heart, andwhat would not that passion become when you were in intercourse withthe object you even now hate, and whom you could not separate from me?"

  "I care not for your words," said she; "I care not for theconsequences; I have set my life and my fame on the issue of this,--andrefuse me at your peril! As for your wife, I hate her not. Does not ourlaw allow you four wives? Is it not so written in the blessed Koran?You cannot deny it. Even I, who am a woman, know it. I would love Azimaas a sister, and your children for your sake; and can you refuse wealthand a future life of distinction for them? Oh, man, are you bereft ofsense? See, I speak to you calmly, and reason with you as I would wereI your sister."

  "I would to Alla thou wert my sister," I said; "I could love theefondly as a sister, but never, never can I consent to this unhallowedand disgraceful union. Yes, Shurfun, disgraceful! disguise it with allthy flattering and sweet words, yet it is disgraceful. Do you dreamfor a moment that your proud family would receive as your husband, asthe sharer of your property and wealth, a man unknown to them, one whohas no family honours, no worldly distinction to boast of, and withwhom you have picked up a casual acquaintance on the road? I tell youthey would not. Go therefore, I beseech you, to your home, and in afteryears I will send my Azima to see you, and she shall pray for blessingson the noble woman who preserved her husband to her."

  She sat silent for some time; but the fire was not quenched within her;it burst forth with increased violence, when I vainly thought that mytemperate words had quenched it for ever. Again she bade me go, but itwas sullenly, and I left her.

  I had not been an hour in my tent when the slave again came to me.--Butperhaps, Sahib, you are tired of my minuteness in describing all myinterviews with the Moghulanee?

  No, said I, Ameer Ali: I suppose you have some object in it, thereforego on.

  Well then, resumed the Thug, the slave came to me and I was alone. "Forthe love of Alla," said she, "Meer Sahib, do something for my poormistress! Ever since you left her she has been in a kind of stupor, andhas hardly spoken. She just now told me to go and purchase a quantityof opium for her; and when I refused, and fell at her feet, imploringher to recall her words, she spoke angrily to me, and said, if I didnot go, she would go herself. So I have purchased it; but alas! I knowits fatal use: and you alone can save her. Come quickly then, and speaka kind word to her; I have heard all that has passed, and you havebehaved like a man of honour; but since you cannot persuade her toforget you and relinquish her intentions, at least for the time fall inwith her humour, and agree to accompany her, on the promise that shewill not seek to see you on the road; and say that when you reach herJagheer you will have your marriage duly solemnized. Oh, do this forher sake! You said you could love her as a sister, and this would bethe conduct of a brother."

  "Well," said I, "since the matter has come to this issue, that her lifeor death is in my hands, I consent;" and I arose, and went with her.

  Oh, with what joy the unhappy girl received me! long she hung upon mybosom, and blessed me as her preserver, and kissed her slave when sherelated what she had said to me, and that I had agreed to her wishes."It is to save your precious life," I cried, "that I thus expose myselfto the sneers and taunts of my friends and your own: think on thesacrifice I make in losing their love, and you will behave cautiouslyand decently on the road; we need not meet--nay we must not, thetemptation would be too strong for us both; but I swear by your headand eyes I will not leave you, and you shall travel in our company."

  The slave had gone out, and she drew towards me. "Beware," said she,"how you deceive me, for I know your secret, and if you are unfaithfulI will expose it; your life is in my hands, and you know it."

  "What secret?" cried I in alarm. "What can you mean?"

  "I know that you are a Thug," she said, in a low and determined voice;"my slave has discovered you, and a thousand circumstances impress thebelief that you are one upon my mind--your men, the way you encamp,the ceremonies my slave has seen your men performing, and the freedomwith which you go forward or return at your pleasure. All these areconclusive, and I bid you beware! for nothing that you can say willpersuade me to the contrary; you have even now the property of thoseyou have killed in your camp--you cannot deny it, your looks confirm mywords."

  I inwardly cursed the prying curiosity of the slave, and feared shehad discovered us through one of our men with whom I had seen herconversing, and I determined to destroy him. But I had now fairly metmy match, and though abashed for a moment, I replied to her: "Then,Shurfun, since you have discovered us, I have no alternative, we mustbe united, I to save my life and the lives of my men, you to save yourown. It is a fearful tie which binds us, but it cannot be broken."

  "I thought so," she said; "fool that I was not to have urged thisbefore! I might have saved myself the agony which I have endured. Now,go; I will hear of you from day to day, and it may be that we shallhave an opportunity of conversing unobserved. Now I am sure of you, andmy mind is at ease."

  I left her, but my thoughts were in a whirl; she had discovered us,and by the rules of our profession I could not conceal it from myassociates. Alla! Alla! to what would the communication I must maketo them lead! Alas, I dreaded to think--yet it must be done. A longtime I deliberated with myself whether I should expose the truth tomy associates, and fain would I not have done so; but the peril wewere in was so imminent, and the lives of my fifty brave fellows wereso completely at the mercy of a woman, that I could not overlook thestrict rules of my profession. I knew that it could only lead to onealternative; but it was her fate, and it could not be avoided either byher or me.

  As I expected, the fatal mandate went forth among us. My men wereastonished and terrified at the information Shurfun possessed, andafter a very brief consultation her fate was determined on. Sahib,you will think the worse of me for this, but what could be done? Wecould not leave her, she would have alarmed the villagers, and theywould have pursued us. True, they could have done but little againstus there; but they would have dogged us through the jungles, and atlast have watched their opportunity and seized us. Our next care wasto endeavour to find out the person from whom she had gained theinformation, and I mentioned the name of him with whom I had seen theslave conversing. Sahib, as I did it
, his face bore the evidence ofconscious guilt. He was a young man but little known to any of us,and was one of the Lughaees. He had accompanied Peer Khan in his lastexpedition, and had behaved well, so well as to induce him to allowhis accompanying us; but by this act he had forfeited everything, andit was but too plain that he had been seduced by the wiles of thatintriguing and artful slave.

  Observing his altered looks, I at once accused him of treachery; andmy accusation was re-echoed by the voices of the band. "He must die!"cried one and all; "we could never carry on our work with the knowledgethat there was one treacherous person with us; and it is the rule ofour order too. Who ever spared a traitor?"

  "Miserable wretch," said I to him, "why hast thou done this? Why hastthou been unfaithful to thine oath and the salt thou hast eaten? Didstthou not know the penalty? Hast thou not heard of hundreds of instancesof treachery, and was ever one pardoned? Unhappy man! thou sayestnothing for thyself, and the sentence must be passed upon thee. Shame!that the wiles of a wretched slave should so far have led thee from thyduty, and exposed us all to peril!"

  "Jemadar," said he rising, "I have sinned, and my hour is come. I asknot for mercy, for I know too well that it cannot be shown me; let medie by the hands of my own people, and I am content; and if my fatebe a warning to them, I am satisfied. I was pure in my honour till Imet that slave; she told me that you were to marry her mistress, andthat you had told her who you were. I thought it true, and I conversedwith her on the secrets of our band; I boasted to her of the deeds wehad done, and she consented to be mine whenever we could meet with afitting opportunity. Fool that I was, I was deceived; yet I offer thisas no palliation for my offence. Let therefore Goordut kill me; his isa sure hand, and he will not fail in his duty."

  Goordut, the chief of our Lughaees, stepped forward. "Forgive me yourdeath," said he to the fated wretch; "I have no enmity against you, butthis is my duty, and I must do it."

  "I forgive you," he replied. "Let your hand be firm; I shall offer noresistance, nor struggle; let my death-pain be short."

  Goordut looked to me for the signal,--I gave it, and in another instanthis victim had expiated his crime by death; he suffered passively,and Goordut's hand never trembled. The body was taken from among usand interred; and henceforward we had no treachery among us, nor didI ever meet with another instance, save one, and that was successful;you shall hear of it hereafter. There but remained to allot to thedifferent members of the band their separate places in the ensuingcatastrophe; and this done, I felt that I had acted as a good Thug, andthat a misplaced pity had not influenced me during the transactions ofthe day.

  Strange was it, Sahib, that Shurfun, knowing who we were, should not,when she had discovered it, at once have fled from us! How she, awoman unused to and unacquainted with deeds of blood, could have borneto look on, nay more to have caressed and loved, one a murderer byprofession, whose hand was raised against the whole human race, ismore than I have ever been able to understand: I can only say it washer fate. She might, she ought to have avoided me; in every principleof human conduct, her love for me was wicked and without shame, anda virtuous woman would have died before she had ever allowed it topossess her bosom. She might have cast me off when she said she would,and when her resolution was made to see me no more; but her blindpassion led her on into the net fate had spread for her, and she was asunable to avoid it, as you or I shall be to die, Sahib, when our hourcomes.

  We started in company with her the next morning. I was determinedI would take no active part in her death, for I could not bear thethought of lifting my hand against one whose caresses I had allowed,and whose kisses were, I may say, still warm upon my lips. Motee andPeer Khan were allotted to her, and one of her attendants was my share.But hers was a large party; she had eight bearers, four sepoys as herguards, and her slave rode on a pony, which was led by another servant.In all, therefore, they were fifteen individuals, and to make sure,thirty-five of my best men were to fall on them whenever we should meeta fitting place. I knew one, a wild spot it was, where the jungle wasalmost a forest, and where for miles on either side there was no humanhabitation; and I intended, for greater security, to lead the party bya path which I had discovered on our way down, and which led into thethickest part of the jungle, where I knew our deadly work would be sureof no interruption.

  We reached the spot where the road diverged which I intended to take,and after much opposition on the part of her bearers, I succeeded inpersuading them to follow me, by telling them both that the road wasa short one and that there was a stream of water which crossed it,whereas on the main track there was none. We gained the small rivulet,and I dismounted; my band surrounded their unsuspecting victims, andeagerly awaited the signal; but I wished to spare Shurfun the sight ofthe dead which she would be exposed to were she not the first to fall.I went to her palankeen, and asked her to get out and partake of somerefreshment I had brought with me; she objected at first, as she wouldhave to expose herself to the rash gaze of my men; but I told her Ihad put up a cloth against a tree, that it was but a few steps off,and that veiled as she was, no one would see her, "Your slave is therealready," said I; "so come, she is preparing our meal, the first wehave ever eaten together."

  She stepped out cautiously, closely muffled in a sheet, so that she sawnot those who were with me; the palankeen too concealed her person, andas she arose from her sitting posture, the roomal of Motee was aroundher, and she died instantly. Peer Khan held her hands, and the momenther breath was gone, he put the body into the palankeen and shut thedoor. "Now thus much is done," said he, "we must finish the rest, andthat quickly; they are all off their guard, and washing and drinking inthe stream; the men are at their posts. Bismilla! give the jhirnee!"

  I sought my place and gave it: my own share was quickly done, andthe rest too; but one or two were unskilful, and the shrieks of theunfortunate but too guilty slave, among the rest, smote on my ear,and caused a pang to shoot to my heart at the thought that they hadall died for the wretched caprice of a wicked woman. I could not bearto look at Shurfun,--the sight of her beautiful features would haveoverpowered me. I saw the Lughaees bear her away, but I followed not.Her palankeen was broken into pieces and buried with her.

  Wretch that I am! cried I: ah, Ameer Ali, hadst thou no pity, noremorse, for one so young and so lovely? I might have felt it, Sahib,but the fate of him who had died the day before was too fresh in mymind to allow me to show it: that might have been mine had I done so.Besides, can you deny that it was her fate? and, above all, had I noteaten the goor of the Tupounee?